Written and read by Whitney Claflin
BREWING INSTRUCTIONS
Yo, dude, check this out:
I had silence all night tonight. Really, silence all night.
dollar blueberries from middle earth <<again>>
Everything is a long road of madness Good thing I have these!
I tuck the incense into the sage, so they both
get lit.
THE WEEK PEEP DIED
Hiding (in secret) (duh).
Hiding (in secret),
behind a police door
(Like, a door that you know police are behind) (Where it’s locked with a Cheeto).
Under a blanket.
It was so good that we didn’t finish the McDonalds.
This month, I have been thinking a lot about being under the BQE, and this lady pointing out a contrast in textures.
But, remember when I was talking about how it’s easier to put the the coffee on? Yea, it’s easier now.
Even though:
Plugged into the thing
her zipper is broken
someone is screaming about how someone else is naked.
But, they aren’t naked, really. (Haha) (I should know).
The seam on the shirt hadn’t yet split, although I knew it would.
(it’s split now) (duh).
I’m such a vessel,
changing into the same thing as yesterday.
Please come untie me.
THE LIME SHORTAGE
i just wanted to say a few words about the lime shortage in NewYork.
i just wanted to have a party for everyone who has kept me alive.
what’s up what’s up what’s up what’s up what’s up
picked up a cool Coors 16 ouncer
all my doors lock backwards, so i have to follow you out.
BLOOMINGDALES
I have, like, a huge craving to go to Bloomingdales right now.
Where are you?
Help me close my eyes.
Solar slave
Little calculator Double-decker deli
They recommend to bring a small purse.
I saw a photo of some chairs
I guess this will be scary
I don’t understand quite what’s going on These blackouts are never empty.
MINT CONVERTIBLE
Glowsticks in the milk We’re at the diner Cool buzzcut baby
I’m a cowboy
And I’ve been livin’ a double life Too long
Cow girl
Alum alum aluminium
Am I gonna do this by myself? (Kurdt voice)
Slathering on cold cream Blasting the Descendents
Hey you new wave Come over here
Gorgeous books Glossy pages Glitter handbag With cereal
There is nothing, Nothing at all For us to fear.
FAVORITE RIDDLE
Hey, wait…
Have I told you my favorite riddle?
What has holes and holds water?
A sponge.
CLEAR PAPER
Do you ever see your friends
so happy
that all you can do
is very suddenly imagine them dead and how sad that time will be.
ONLINE WINE CLASS
Sometimes mango tastes like seafood Sometimes milk tastes like raspberry.
Wake up, suck dick.
Jesus take the wheel.
Do your water wheel thing. I’m trying to refresh.
FLOWERS
Hey keeper,, what do you keep? Hey smoker, what do you smoke?
I will have pink popcorn and go to the circus. I will have cotton candy and go to the fair.
Flowers you can’t smell.
It has nothing to do withYOU. THEY have no smell.
Grapefruit AND lime. Nutella AND banana.
Kid, Maple Almond butter and Nutella. Dude, Steve Miller Band.
Yo, THE BOX SET.
Christ climbs forward, I crawl back.
I don’t think I can work with these flowers.
THE INDIVIDUAL NACHO
I like it best
When the nachos are arranged In a circle Around the plate
Like, individually topped.
Like, mild hot serious stupid
I hate the road.
I refuse to scream.
Processed soy & caffeine pills! Pee Eye Elle Elle. Marg?
On ice.
Pee? Downstairs.
Single pickled jalapeño!
Pink beach in Sardinia, Eye of God.
Mushrooms shrink, Sent to the clink.
You can’t force someone to focus!
Actually you can,
That shit’s called hypnosis.
I like it best
When the nachos are arranged In a circle
Around the plate,
And they are individually topped.
LIFE WITHOUT
A life without candles Sans candles Sandals
I am the same age as mgmt If that’s helpful
OLD
Old Supreme Old Celine
The people who like this stuff Are usually kind of mean
JOB IN THE SEWER
“Are you restful?” She paused.
“Are you restless?” She looked like she believed she was letting her eyes lick the microphone.
Cool, go on, say things like, “Wow.” “Pow.”
GIRL WORM
VHS after VHS propped up under the fluorescent lights, the cashier’s name was Cory.
True story.
(c) 2024 Whitney Claflin